How to Build Rapport With a Girl - The Onion Model

So the onion model is all about working from the outside in.

The only way to get to the core is by peeling away one layer after another, until you can go no further.

You may want to get a deep connection with a girl right away, but the reality is that she is not going to share her deep innermost feelings and secrets with you right off the bat. You need to build up a level of trust and understanding first.

You do this by:

starting with general questions on a subject like 'what do you do?'
you listen to the answer, and infer what that means about how she feels about the situation. You repeat your assumptions back to her to demonstrate your understanding 'so you always wanted to be a charity worker, but you ended up working in a tax office instead. I imagine you must feel a sense of frustration about that sometimes?'
the basic rule of 'men talk facts, women talk feelings' is pretty accurate. Always remember to try and tie up what she says with how she feels about something. If she says that she likes scuba diving, don't go into endless detailed questions about how deep she dives, what kind of gear she uses, how often she goes...delve into the feelings. Find out if she feels a sense of release and freedom underwater - a sense of total relaxation that she can't get anywhere else.
when you've done this, try and relate this to yourself by telling a relevant story about your own life. You might not be a scuba diver, but you might get that same sense of freedom yourself when you go running, for example 'it sounds a bit cheesy, but it's just me and the road, and no one else. After 15 minutes or so, I just get into this total meditative state where my brain is just thinking about all kinds of stuff, and I let it roam free. By the time I get home, I find whatever troubles I've had in the day are completely gone. I guess you must get the same feeling when you're diving, right?'

Relating her experiences to your own experiences and tying them together is a great way of building a connection with a girl. With a bit of creativity, you can take two seemingly unrelated experiences (scuba diving and running in the example above), and suddenly link them together as if they are the same thing.

This is what makes her think 'wow - he's just like me'.

And this causes her to want to open up. When you open up, it helps her open up. You have to go first - you peel back a layer on your onion, then you encourage her to peel hers away. Then you peel another one off, and she follows suit again, until you get to the core.

So this takes some level of bravery and courage from you - you cannot be totally closed off and aloof and expect to build tight connections. You have to be willing to go first.

This doesn't even have to be in a seduction context. Just practice this model of rapport building with everyone you meet until it becomes second nature. You'll be amazed at how quickly and easily people warm to you when they think you understand them.

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