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As men, we are often logical, problem solving machines.
When we see a problem, it feels natural for us to want to try to fix it. This works great in our day jobs as engineers, accountants, project managers etc. Our entire jobs are often based around troubleshooting and problem solving.
However - when we take this way of thinking into our relationships with women, we don't tend to see the same success.
Here's why - whilst we are logical, women are more emotional.
Women crave connection with other human beings. They desire to feel understood. They long to feel appreciated. They really want to feel that another person 'gets' them.
So here's the summary of this entire piece - she does not want you to fix her problems, she wants to feel that you understand them, and therefore understand her. When you offer solutions (unless she specifically asks for them), you will irritate her.
So let's say for example, that she tells you she's having some problems with her boss at work. Most of us guys take this as an opportunity to demonstrate how clever we are, and give her a boat load of A-class advice:
'Yeah, if I were you I wouldn't take his crap. I'd march right into his office and tell it like it is - and if he doesn't like it, he can shove his job! You've got to show that you can't be pushed around, or people will walk all over you.'
Usually when we give advice like this, we seem to be expecting her to fall off her chair in amazement at our outstanding level of insight 'oh my god...that's totally it. Thank you so much, you're so amazing, I could never have figured this out with you!'
Instead what we get is 'right ok', in a slightly miffed voice, followed by her walking out of the room. That's her way of saying 'you just don't get it, do you - forget it'.
However if you responded with: 'yeah, it's really tough when you're in that situation. You don't know whether to stand up for yourself and risk the consequences of losing your job, or just having an awkward office environment, or whether to just carry on taking his crap and hope the job gets better. Any ideas what you think you might do?'
Here you are offering empathy and understanding. You are placing yourself firmly in her shoes, and demonstrating that you understand what it's like to be her in that position.
This will help her feel 'he gets me'. Then she will likely respond with her ideas on the subject - and if she asks you for your advice at this point, then you may give it.
But as a general rule, don't offer advice unless you have been specifically asked for it - or you will annoy her.
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