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Ever since I was a little kid I have always spent my time brainstorming and experimenting with different business ideas. The first actual business I tried was when I was around 7 years old. My sister Jackie and I tried to sell seashells on Pensacola Beach. At our little seashell stand we also attempted to sell some homemade root beer that my dad made but if I remember correctly it tasted horrible. When I was 10 years old I started making fake pencils that had steel bars inside instead of lead. These pencils were the ultimate pencil fighting tools. They looked like real pencils but were almost impossible to break. As I got older I started experimenting with eBay buying anything I could that would make a profit.
eBay was great when it first came out. eBayers could actually make a profit since the fees didn't eat it all away. There was a market for anything back then; even a market for used underwear. To get the most money per pair all you had to do was say that the underwear's previous owner was a high school wrestler. Sometimes a pair of these used underwear would sell for as much as $55.00. You could go to wal-mart, buy a package of new underwear, make them look dirty and then sell them as used (unethical I know). I will probably get made fun of for this but seriously it was easy money and supported my surf trips to Cocoa Beach when school was out. There were several other small side business that I ran since then. None of them were ever sufficient enough to replace my real job but they did bring in a steady positive cash flow to support my monthly entertainment. Now I'm back to brainstorming different business ideas, but with all the economic uncertainty I am not willing to take the risk to invest my hard earned money into something that will probably fail. I need to find a business that requires no initial capital investment, one that is risk-free, and most importantly (pause) recession proof! Anyway, after hours of creative thinking I think I came up with the perfect plan and I will let you all in on it because competition is not a factor.
The first thing I would need to do is find a way to get laid...off from my current job. I can't start a new business if all my time is devoted to working. After I am laid off I will file for unemployment. Unemployment pays about $1200 a month in Florida and the government doesn't cut people off after six months anymore, it can last for nearly two years with all the emergency extensions. Maybe that is why unemployment is so high, just a thought but what do I know. Anyway, two years is plenty of time to relax and build up other sources of income like...financial aid. Since I'm not busy trying to work or produce anything I will have time to go to school. I'll probably get approved for a lot of financial aid since I won't be trying to make money. I gotta make sure I report as little income as possible to the IRS, this way I will get approved for more government aid, and hey, come tax season I will get a tax refund that is even more than what I paid.
I'll consider this my bonus. I can get all sorts of grants including the pell grant which pays like $2500 a semester. I can also get approved for subsidized student loans that I won't ever pay back. It isn't like I'll be making enough money to make a true effort to pay them back. Yeah I'll have a degree and all but since the government is paying for everyone's education now, a degree might not be worth much. I mean everyone is going to have one. Since I have so much time on my hands there will still be opportunity to make even more money. Maybe I could start trying to make as many babies as I can so that I get food stamps along with whatever other financial aid the government might give me. Babies are a great risk-free investment and all I have to do is have a bunch of sex to acquire them. What commodity other than babies involve sleeping around? NONE! I hope the government will pay for daycare though because I sure don't want to have to actually take care of the little rascals. Did I miss any other new projects that this business could pursue? Of course I did, but I think I made my point.
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