The Fear of Failure Is Why You Fail

Why don't we have what we want in life? Pretty much one answer: fear. Everyone has something they are afraid of but most often our fears are all a different version of the one BIG fear: fear of failure. But if we could understand what fear is and how to overcome it, success would be an infinite possibility in our life.

First we need to understand fear and its origins. Fear is a biological response that our brain creates in the face of a 'perceived threat'. A gazillion years ago our brain was designed to keep us away from tigers and know when to get the heck out of dodge! Our brain is designed for one thing: to help you survive. And it does a pretty great job- your heart is beating, your lungs are breathing, your eyes are reading and all because of it. If your laptop is on your lap and starting to burn through your clothes from the heat, your brain is also telling you 'danger' or 'pain' and unless you are a masochist, you'll move to a table. Works great. Woohoo. Except for when it comes to everything else in life that is important to us like relationships and career. Then it is a jerk. Why? Read on.

This is what happened: at some point in your past which you may or may not be aware of, something happened that didn't make you feel good (even though physically, you survived). When this event (i.e. rejection, abandonment, loss) occurred, your brain registered it as 'pain' or 'threat' (again, even though you aren't confronted with death). So then each time something that looks like that event or looks like that threat shows up in the present, your brain goes 'Whoa whoa whoa. Oh no. That is dangerous. You'll get hurt. Do not pass go."

Now because we have been trained to listen to the survival machine in our head, we, well, listen. So, we avoid the situation and often we act pretty emotional and weird. Sound familiar?

So here is what to get: The fear of failure you have is totally UNREAL. It doesn't exist. Your brain as a biological system just can't distinguish between the real and unreal because it is on automatic. As a result, you become afraid of something that hasn't even happened yet and many people let it run their lives, then complain that they don't have what they want in life.

Your fear of failure is what has you not act on your dreams and thus, fail. A great quote is "The only way you fail is to quit." When that event your brain says is real (but isn't) occurs, you quit. Your brain tells you it is 'safer' where you are, away from threat and you stop pursuing your goals (aka, fail). Then you use that as EVIDENCE as to why you always fail and should never pursue your dreams.

So the first thing to understand is that when it comes to fear of anything other than physical harm, you must realize it is made-up by your brain and by listening to it you are actually setting yourself up to fail in the areas that are important to you. You are allowing your past to dictate a future that has yet to be created!

So instead of being confident, self-expressed, and successful, you listen to that internal monologue that has you believe you could fail at any moment. You become uncertain and insecure, acting accordingly, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure.

Tell the brain to stick with its day-job (you know, heart beating, lung-breathing stuff). Then, the best way to overcome your fear of failure is to do exactly what you are afraid of. This is how we expand as humans and become great. And don't you deserve to be great?

I think so.

Stephanie Staidle is a personal and business development coach and an online entrepreneur. As a founder of Cloud Renaissance ( http://www.cloudrenaissance.com/ ) her mission is to empower people to stop settling, live a life of their choosing, and be their own boss. Stephanie Staidle's exclusive entrepreneur training group, CLOUD ELITE, creates kick-a$$ world changing entrepreneurs from the inside out through cutting-edge business education and success coaching.

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