There was a time when students would get cold feet at the very thought of interacting with their teachers; even if that meant for discussing regular assignment related issues, or to simply wish them on special occasions. Now, teachers are no more the dreaded humans and students do not fret about meeting them even for a casual discussion. Teachers are more like friendly guides today; students can rely on them when faced with academic issues, career related or otherwise. This change is visible not only in online educational domains but in face-to-face classroom setups as well. This enhanced interaction has been made further possible by the increased popularity of social networks.
Is social networking conducive to learning?
Just like any application based practice or trend, social networking too has its own positive and negative effects. Judging from its usage, which is primarily social mingling, one, cannot simply tag it as harmful to learning. In fact, it depends essentially on the students and educators; whether it can be made conducive to learning or not. However, it is always better to put any new practice to the best use for society rather than chucking it as a mere waste of time. Social networking can surely benefit teaching-learning if it is made a part of the classroom activities; and it is already happening in classes where teachers and students are allowed to access social networking sites by institute authorities.
How do social media foster student-teacher interaction?
There are independent educators who simply maintain pages of their own on various social networking sites and allow their students to post queries and comments. They regularly check those posts and respond to the queries, or have chat sessions with the students when online to solve their problems. They even post class modules or reference study materials on these sites from time to time, or maintain educational blogs to be accessed and shared by the students easily.
Many institutes use the class registration software to conduct classes online or to streamline administrative jobs of their onsite classes. Such institutes avail of the member management solutions to build and maintain private community networks where they ask their students to be a part of. These community networks are epicenters of activities where students and teachers interact freely. To provide a better communication platform, some institutes also purchase a Social Media Connector from the software provider at a minimal cost which facilitates easy downloading of social media profiles of members directly on to the community networks.
Following are the ways in which teachers are trying to leverage the power of the social media to connect with their students:
1. They post questions or conduct live polls on various socially relevant subjects on the social networking sites in order to understand their students' view points on them.
2. They engage in discussions online either through a forum or through a chat session to explain a certain lesson to their learners.
3. They share various info-rich graphics and slide presentations on their profiles to make their traditional mode of learning even more interesting.
4. They post blogs and encourage their students to do the same that helps to improve their creative writing skills.
Students who otherwise feel a bit awkward to open up in classes interact freely over social media. They even come to know of various issues that are rarely discussed in classes that add on to their knowledge.
Today's business has changed a lot. People no longer have to stay within offices to perform their work. Technology has transformed the way a person works and interacts with others. Mobility, real-time collaboration, speech recognition tools, video conferencing or social media are just some facts that a company needs to leverage in order to communicate internally as well with its customers and prospects.
Expensive and inefficient platforms of the past-mobility are no longer trendy and users or businesses have started paying attention to speech recognition and cloud communication.
Mobility via Speech Technology
Gradually, customers have stopped using old voicemail systems, spell-the-name directories and directory-trees and stay in touch with their dear ones or businesses by using various mobile devices and connecting from remote locations. Benefits like real time collaboration and fast communication have transformed speech technology in a have to have.
Great speech technology devices keep mobile employees and customers connected, companies become numberless enterprises, transform the way calls are made, for example voice messages can be translated into text and delivered to the recipient in their preferred method - via email alerts or SMS messaging. Spoken words can be translated to text and typed words converted to speech, creating a seamless communications experience for all parties.
Enterprise Integration & Real Time Collaboration
Businesses can have access to video conferencing and voice services by contracting cloud-based business communications providers. Integrated contact center solutions, presence-aware help desks and other applications that can be accessed by a variety of business partners and clients make keypads obsolete.
BYOD and Dispersed Workforce
Home offices, multiple locations, remote workers, all require unified communication solutions in order to maintain a clear and efficient business relationship. With a dispersed workforce comes the additional issue of supporting a Bring Your Own Device (BYOD) environment. Your customers and employees use a diversity of mobile devices to access your data or to contact you.
Efficient cloud based solutions help increase BYOD flexibility in all call handling and messaging for both person-to-person and business contacts, reduce paper-based processes by using mobile-friendly applications, and through permanently innovation creates a truly seamless and smarter workplace.
UC doesn't stop
UC solutions have evolved to improve your company's customer service, improve employee productivity, and make it easier for your customers and partners to do business with you. Many companies and SMB's are already enjoying the benefits of Unified Communication solutions integrated with business applications and processes. What about yours?
Communication Meltdown: The point of no return in our exchanges with others when neither party is listening to the other because frustration and anger have taken over.
Everyone has experienced that frustrating moment of communication meltdown at one point or another. Whether it's the first big argument with your romantic partner, a disagreement with your colleague at work, or a misread (or maybe not misread) Facebook post, we all have experienced conflict because words were taken out of context or were said without reflection on the repercussions of them once they came out of our mouths. The tricky thing about communication is that there are often two conversations going on at that same time...the literal words that come out of our mouths AND the interpreted message that people get from those words. Communication is a learned skill, meaning that our childhood experiences, cultural background, and individual life experiences are the foundation for our communication styles and patterns. Given our diverse backgrounds, there could be several "languages" being spoken in one conversation all at the same time. No wonder we are so "hit and miss" in how we convey and interpret meaning in our exchanges with others! In my coaching and training work, I find that, although there are tons of reasons why we end up in communication meltdown, the most common reasons include...
1. Assuming that people know what you mean...I hear this so often, especially in regard to romantic relationships. The griping goes, "We've been together for 10 years, he should know what I meant by that..." (READ: Even though we are two complete individuals, he should be in tune with ALL of my feelings and emotions and be able to READ MY MIND). It sounds ridiculous when you put it like that, right? However, we engage with people at this level all the time.
Talk Tip 1: Don't assume that people are mind readers. Even if you've been together for (fill in) years. Remember communication is a LEARNED skill that's loaded with our past experiences and emotional baggage, and the way you learned is not necessarily the way the other person has. Say exactly what you mean, and ask for the other person to shoot it back to you (preferably in their own words) to check for understanding. There's nothing worse than finding out that all the time you've been arguing with someone, you both have been arguing about two different things because no one checked for understanding.
2. Responding based off the mistakes of others...Eric Roberson, one of my favorite songwriters, wrote a song called "Previous Cats," and the first part of the chorus goes, "I'm not to blame for the pain that was caused by previous cats. You gotta see me for me." Now, he's talking to his girlfriend in the song, but we can relate to these lyrics on various levels...being overly suspicious about co-workers in your new job because of the hot mess of a job you just left...responding to your child based on YOUR actions as a child or the actions of an older sibling...not frequenting a restaurant with many chains because of poor service at one location (OK, that's me)...we could go on and on with this.
Talk Tip 2: Deal with individuals based on your experience with them, not on the past mistakes of others or previous painful experiences. Yes, we can use similar past experiences as a gauge for how to respond to something happening now (that's wise). However, we also have to engage with people based on their own merits. The former way of interacting with others encourages us to build emotional walls, which surely won't help in strengthening our communication or relationships with others.
3. Failing to listen...thinking about what you are going to say while the other person is talking is NOT listening...it's just waiting to speak! Operating in this manner is extremely obvious, disrespectful, and it sends a message to the other person that what they have to say is not important or that you don't care. It doesn't encourage the other person to work towards coming to some type of understanding with you.
Talk Tip 3: We must be fully present as we take in the words of the person speaking to us. At the core, every human being wants acknowledgement... to know that someone sees you, hears you, and finds value in what you bring to the table. By being an active listener, you acknowledge the speaker, express your attentiveness with your noon-verbal cues (i.e. eye contact, facial expressions, head nodding, etc.) and take some responsibility for making sure you understand the message they are trying to give you.
4. Speaking without thinking...this is a big one in our instant-gratification-loving culture. It is the ugly twin of "failing to listen" because we become overly focused on what we want to say, than how what we want to say is connected to what the other person has just told us. Tackling this monster is critical to building understanding.
Talk Tip 4: Take a minute to process the message you have just received before responding. The goal is to respond, not just to react. It's perfectly fine (and wise as well!) to ask someone to repeat themselves for your understanding or to ask for a minute to think about something (especially if it's a heated argument...It's hard to take words back after you've said them!). We sometimes think that we have to be speaking at all times because silence is awkward, but awkward moments can be stomached if they will lead to understanding!
Laura E. Knights has been training youth and adults in the areas of job skill and life skill acquisition and strategy, and developing and managing programs to empower people for the last 12 years. She is a speaker, trainer, and consultant for groups, businesses, and community organizations. Additionally, she works as a life coach to help individuals move beyond negative, limiting belief systems to overcome barriers and walk in their full potential. Learn more about her; sign up for her monthly inspirational newsletter, Empowered Living!; and register for her dynamic workshops at http://www.lauraeknights.com/.
In marriage, as in business, communication is considered to be the key. However, did you ever consider the possibility that we tend to blame a lack of communication for everything that goes wrong? We just ran out of garbage bags or copy paper, and we immediately think "Oh, oh, someone failed to communicate our needs." Communication, or the lack thereof, has become our favorite scapegoat, and instead of actually cooperating and fixing our problems, we sit around casting blame. How much more efficiently we would be able to operate if we spent our time dealing with the real issues instead of lumping everything into the general category of communication.
Instead of jumping to the mistaken conclusion that communication was the culprit, take a minute to stop and ferret out the underlying cause of the problem. Why don't you have any garbage bags? You meant to write them on your list but Jimmy skinned his knee and you never got it done? Your husband told you he'd taken the last one for yard work, but you were in the middle of cooking dinner and the lack of garbage bags just wasn't an issue right then? Communication was not lacking in these instances. Instead, life intervened and threw you curve balls. It's no one's fault, and there's no need to try and cast blame.
Blaming your spouse for things beyond his or her control will be detrimental to your relationship. You can try to blame your husband for attempting to talk to you while you were busy cooking, saying that he should have told you about the bags when you weren't busy, but what purpose does that serve? Instead of trying to break every problem down into who to blame, you need to resign yourself to the fact that life happens, and no one is perfect, not even you. Don't expect too much from anyone, and you won't be disappointed.
In general, if people are not communicating effectively, there is another, deeper reason for the problem. If your spouse seldom has time to converse with you, what's troubling him or her? Don't take it personally when the problem probably has nothing to do with you. Maybe there's trouble at work, a conflict with a friend, or health issues. There's nothing that can't be helped by just sitting down and discussing what you're perceiving and trying to find out what's really going on. If you don't take the time to both talk and listen, your marriage is headed for far greater problems than you're having now.
Get 8 hours of live marriage coaching and proven marriage advice that really works at: Stop divorce or here: Save My Marriage.
In relationships the individuals affect each other. If the balance is such that both people are happy with it then there is no problem. If it is not it leads to frustration and unhappiness for at least one of them. This was the situation Molly found herself in.
Molly was frustrated because she felt that she had three children even though only two were actual children. Her husband, a good provider, wanted to do his own things after he came home from work. She she was left with making dinner, cleaning up, getting the children ready for bed and taking care of everything else that had to be handled.
Over the years they had fallen into a pattern where she felt burdened and he did what he wanted to after work. No wonder it felt to her like she has an extra child. When I asked Molly how come she permitted this she was put out with me. She did not see herself as an accomplice in the continuation of this pattern.
As we looked at their interaction Molly began to see how easily she backed down when she had made very realistic requests. For instance, she wanted him to watch the children while she ran to the store. He responded with "do you really have to do it now?" She felt guilty, did not say anything else, and stayed home.
Molly began to look at her process and saw that indeed she backed down quickly. He would raise some objection or just make a somewhat negative comment and she did no do what she wanted to do. She started to accept the fact that how she reacted was actually in her control. She was responding to the initial feeling she had when he commented back. She lost sight of following up on what she intellectually knew was a fair request. Once she understood what she was doing she could begin to change what she did. She had to stop herself not to act on the first feeling response. She needed to refocus on her own voice and give herself time to think as to what she really wanted to do.
All relationships fall into predictable patterns. What we all want to achieve is to establish a pattern that allows each the freedom to be who he/she is while at the same time relating with each other as two adults. Molly and her husband in some areas had fallen into a parent child relationship pattern. As Molly trusted herself more she gave up the parental role with him. Instead she expected adult cooperation and they were well on the road to fixing their relationship so that it would be a win-win for both.
Kristina von Rosenvinge's expertise is helping people develop healthy relationships. She is convinced that by knowing effective self-growth and relationship skills that people can find solutions to many of their relationship concerns.. She enjoys teaching these skills on line by holding teleclasses. She invites you to visit http://www.kristinavonrosenvinge.com/ to learn more about what she is doing.
Kristina is passionate about helping people in their second half of life make this the best time of their life so that they can enjoy personal happiness and business success.
With over half of the marriages in the U.S. ending in divorce, learning to communicate effectively with your partner is crucial. Three common communication misdemeanors in marriage are overreacting, changing the subject and blaming each other, but with motivation and persistence, you can learn constructive communication patterns that can improve your significant relationships and rekindle the intimacy in your marriage. But before we can talk about effective communication, it's important to understand the destructive communication that permeates millions of marriages across the country. Here is a conversation between Jim and Priscilla, a married couple who have one son, Henry:
Jim: You create so many problems. Why did you tell Henry he could try out for football when he hasn't been getting good grades? You always mess things up.
Priscilla (defensively): I do not mess things up! Your problem is you never do anything but sit in front of the TV. If you spent more time with Henry, he would be doing better at school. I always end up doing all the work, and sometimes I wonder why I even married you.
Jim (harshly): You are always putting too much on Henry's plate and setting him up for failure. What kind of mother are you, anyway?
Can you spot the problems in their pattern of communicating? Jim and Priscilla attack each other with an overuse of the word "you," and they make exaggerated statements like "You always mess things up." They changed the subject from Henry playing football to Jim watching TV, to spending more time with Henry, to Priscilla's mothering. Their marriage is headed for trouble unless they get some form of relationship therapy to improve their communication. But just what is communication?
Communication: the act of communicating, intercourse, exchange of ideas, conveyance of information.
The very definition of communication includes an exchange of ideas from each side. When people overreact to one another, as often happens in close relationships, the actual exchange of ideas is blocked, and the possibility of reaching a mutual understanding is diminished. Over time, this lack of understanding often leads to resentment, which can gradually erode the intimacy in a relationship and lead to the ending of relationships that potentially could have become extraordinary. Developing intimate and fulfilling relationships with significant others can lay the foundation for wonderful lives. As a specialist in relationship therapy, (hyperlink if new site allows) I believe that relationships are our most valued resource. But just what is effective communication between two people?
Effective communication is sending the message you want to deliver, in a way that is understood by the other person. It is a two-way process that helps you productively deal with the important topics and common conflicts that are part of life. It involves being proactive in bringing up a problem and being patient in terms of listening while holding back and containing your feelings. Some barriers to strong communication include passivity, problems taking turns, and a lack of curiosity about the other person. Effective communication has many rewards such as more intimacy in your significant relationships, satisfaction and success in life, and positive relationships with your loved ones, friends, clients, customers and acquaintances.
You often have to deal with a variety of people to reach goals along your path, andeffective and empathic communication can help you build successful relationships and work as part of a team to get things done. If you grapple with a mental health challenge, you may want to find a coach, relationship therapist, minister or friend to help you with issues that make effective communication difficult.
Here are six important skills that contribute to the art of effective communication:
1. Become Aware of Your Thoughts and Feelings
If you observe a toddler,you generally seesadness, anger, happiness, joy, love and fear. These are the core emotions, and they often exist in a cluster. It's important to become aware of therange and depth of your feelings and tohang in there with them long enough to understand what you want to communicate and how you want to word your message. If you have trouble knowing what you feel or want, it can help to write down, three times during the day, how you feel about a significant or stressful event. For example, if your spouse gets annoyed with you for not picking up your clothes, you can note whether you feel annoyed, angry, hurt or frustrated as well as other thoughts that are on your mind.
Eric often felt annoyed with his wife, Angela, for nagging him about picking up, but by taking a day off and staying with his feelings longer, he was able to calm down and learn that he also felt hurt. In the process, Eric also became aware of what his thoughts were toward Angela. Eric would think to himself, "Gee, Angela is such a nag, she is always on my case." Instead of talking to her about this, he would often resort to giving her the silent treatment, which is an example of "passive aggressive behavior," and it infuriated Angela. By taking a time-out, Eric was able to get clear about both his thoughts and feelings, and then he could figure out what he wanted to communicate.
Communicating that you feel hurt is much more likely to be heard by a partner than communicating annoyance or anger. In relationship therapy, anger is often considered to be "the lid" on hurt. Knowing you are hurt enables you to soften your message, which can greatly contribute over time to an exceptional relationship. Stay with your feelings long enough to identify the deeper feelings and get clear what you want to communicate. Eric became stronger as a man as he developed his ability to be aware of the range of his feelings and to speak up to Angela instead of sitting on his feelings. This took some courage, but the process became easier over time.
2. Go from Confusion to Clarity
If you are new at getting in touch with your feelings, it may take some time to identify your deeper feelings and get clear about your intended message. You may feel confused and need to stay with the confusion long enough to reach a state of clarity. Most people don't like the feeling of confusion and will try to get out of this state. However, learning to tolerate some uncertainty is central to cultivating stronger and more dynamic relationship skills. It's totally normal to feel confused as you overcome defensive reactions and get to what is deep inside. People who are learning to be in touch with their feelings often need to go through periods of confusion to develop the ability to connect with core emotions. With practice, you can learn to become more connected to your core feelings, which can greatly lead to more intimacy over time.
Keep a journal or make notes: Regularly writing about your confusion can help you sort out your deeper feelings. You need to hang in with your inner self until you get some sense of what you are feeling. Remember, a healthy person knows what they feel and what to do about it. Try on the different feelings (anger, sadness, fear, excitement, frustration), and see what fits. You may have milder versions of these five feelings such as annoyed, hurt, anxious or upset, but they can all facilitate sharing about yourself rather than telling your partner what she or he did wrong.
Eric kept a journal about his feelings (possible hyperlink to Feelings article if site allows) and wrote about his anger toward his mother. This enabled him to realize that he was still angry and hurt by his mother's treatment of him while he was growing up and that these feelings were getting triggered by Angela's requests. Later, he was able to tell Angela that old feelings about his mother were leading to his rebellious behavior in their relationship. When a partner is able to truthfully talk about a desire to rebel, he or she reduces the probability of actually rebelling. Eric told Angela that he wanted to be closer to her and wanted to work on taking charge of his messes. This meant a lot to Angela, and she softened towards him and let him know she wanted to work on her style of communication.
Take responsibility: When both people take responsibility for their part in the stress or ineffective communication, significant progress is possible. In relationship therapy (possible hyperlink), Eric and Angela learned the importance of taking some time to get clear and, instead of blaming each other, owning their separate parts of the conflict.
Angela realized that she resorted to name-calling and blaming when they argued, so she decided to take charge of her part and communicate concerns in a more inviting way. Eric worked to become aware of his feelings and to speak up rather than using the silent treatment. He also took more responsibility around the house by picking up after himself, which meant a great deal to Angela.
It was a real breakthrough for Eric when he could say, "I feel like giving you the silent treatment because I'm hurt, and I want to get even with you." Angela felt a new closeness to Eric because she knew this statement took courage, and they both grew to experience a new intimacy in their relationship. They both agreed to have a "no name calling" rule and to work to own their parts in a problem rather than resorting to blaming each other.
Say what you mean: Before relationship therapy, Angela would use an ineffective way to communicate her annoyance at Eric by saying, "You are such a pig; you never pick up your clothes," which is an attacking and defensive way to communicate that would push Eric away. After therapy, she learned to say, "It annoys me when I see your mess, and it would mean a lot to me if you would pick up regularly." When Eric first heard this message, he was ready to overreact, but the words "it would mean a lot to me" triggered something positive in him. He held back instead. Let's look at the effect that those seven well-chosen words had on Eric.
Initially, he was a bit confused because he was conflicted about the whole subject of being neat. His mother had always barked at him about his room, so this subject brought up some negative feelings from the past. As a teen, Eric wanted to tell off his mother, but he didn't feel safe doing that because he was afraid she would yell at him and take away important privileges instead of hearing his concerns. He grew up in a family where his parents didn't talk things out, and he lacked role models for honest and healthy communication. As a result, he had some suppressed, or buried, feelings toward his mother that were being triggered by Angela. Conflict and over-control of his feelings were leading to confusion. He wondered to himself, "Who am I really angry with -- Angela, my mother or myself?
Take some time: To figure out this problem, Eric stayed with his confusion for several days, telling Angela that he needed to think things through. Angela respected Eric's need for some private time, and this understanding actually helped the two of them. Angela's words "it would mean a lot to me" stayed with Eric, and he felt motivated to change. With the pressure off, he was able to clarify that he wanted to have more intimacy with Angela and that picking up was worth the extra effort. He began to understand his deeper feelings by tolerating a few days of confusion. Although it was challenging, he stuck with the process and it paid off.
Take a time-out: Eric and Angela learned to take a time-out when they were heading toward destructive communication. If you notice that your communication with your partner or spouse is going nowhere, take a time-out from the discussion so you can each calm down and identify what you really want to communicate. On another occasion, Eric and Angela were fighting about issues in their sexual relationship. Eric remembered to take a time-out on this delicate topic and brought the subject up a day later when they had both calmed down. Fortunately, Angela was able to take in what Eric was saying, and they were able to have a meaningful discussion. Each felt understood, and coming to a compromise drew the two closer.
An excellent book on communication and being honest is "Tell Me No Lies," written by Dr. Ellyn Bader and Dr. Peter Pearson. This book will help you learn to communicate effectively and speak your truth. If you are not able to succeed on your own, brief relationship therapy can make all the difference. (possible link to site)
3. Be an Activator, not a Procrastinator
Procrastination is postponing the completion of a task that leads to a desired outcome; it's a universal problem that can put your life on hold and interfere with creating a wonderful relationship. You can never get back the lost time, but you can make good use of your time now. Learning to be an activator, or self-starter, is essential to the discovery of an exceptional relationship with yourself and with others.
Far too many couples sit on their uncomfortable feelings and avoid bringing up delicate or difficult topics because they are afraid of the consequences. In relationship therapy, this is often called "conflict avoidance." Why be an avoider when you can learn to manage your feelings in a proactive manner? Activators do the following:
bring up problems as soon as they become aware of them and have figured out how they want to approach problems take charge and initiate action to communicate with others manage their anxiety because they want things to run smoothly -- You can do this by focusing on your breathing, making a positive affirmation such as "anxiety is a sign I am growing," and exercising before having the conversation. Really focus on what the other person is saying to take your mind off of yourself. want to develop the motivation to work toward healthy relationships share positive feelings and appreciations -- I've seen many couples who want to get closer, but often one of them fails to share appreciation with the other. Learn to communicate your appreciations as soon as you notice them, and you'll be making a giant step toward a flourishing relationship.
4. Take a Positive Approach
When you are upset by your partner, it can be difficult to take a positive approach. It's much easier to harbor negative feelings and forget the wonderful attributes of your partner. Negative feelings can lead to negative, reactive statements if you don't learn to hold back, use these six tools, and remember the good things. As a relationship therapist, I know that unresolved problems require us to put our best foot forward, holding onto the things that matter to us about the other person.
Ted periodically got annoyed at his wife, Rachel, for being too rigid with their kids. After some relationship therapy, he learned to bring up a problem the same day it happened rather than sitting on it until he was ready to explode. This helped keep the conversation calm, and it broke the pattern of explosive, go-nowhere communication. He learned to communicate the following type of message that exemplifies a positive, artful approach:
Rachel, I know you love the kids and are a great mother, but I get angry and hurt when you start laying out a list of rules for the kids. I would love to see you be more supportive when the kids are doing well because you mean the world to them.
Remember to start the communication with something positive, stressing something you value in your partner. Then proceed to dive into the difficult discussion, and remember to make your message clear, effective and empathic. Train your brain to remember the positive things about your partner and try to put yourself in the other's shoes. Rachel could take in Ted's message very well because he artfully communicated it.
Of course, there will be times when your partner will get defensive, so ask your partner or spouse, "How can I word things in a way that will not make you defensive?" and then listen closely to your partner. If the conversation seems to be going nowhere, take a time-out and come back to it. Consider saying to your partner "I need a time-out because I want to get clear about my feelings and get closer to you. I will schedule a time for us to talk in the next two days." A time-out can turn a problem area into an opportunity for greater intimacy. Whoever decides to take the time-out needs to be responsible for bringing the subject up again in a day or two, or some time agreed upon by both partners.
5. Overcome Resistance
Many people have visions about the kind of lives they want to lead, but they don't get around to taking the steps necessary to achieve their goals. Part of actualizing your potential in life is learning to do these things when you don't want to. This is where developing your emotional endurance and willpower really pays off. The following is a mental-health rhyme that is a form of cognitive-behavior therapy. It can provide you with forward-moving thinking. You can create your own message that moves you forward, but this is one that worked for me and is easy to remember:
Persistence
I can pull myself up, against my own resistance
To get a job done that I don't want to do
And I can do it over and over, for as long as it takes
To alter my existence, based on my insistence
That I can create the world that I want.
2006 by Patrice Wolters
Learning to overcome resistance is sometimes the hardest part in making real change because it feels like you don't even want to get started. This is where "kick-in-the-pants" therapy really pays off. Just getting started is an important part of healthy communication because so many people avoid conflict. One good way to get started is to tell your partner or spouse how much you don't want to bring up a topic. This can facilitate a discussion that can lead to actually bringing up the uncomfortable part.
Most people avoid conflict because they think that they don't want to hurt the other person, but in most cases they are really avoiding dealing with theirown feelingsand their fear of being hurt. Remember, you can learn to tolerate uncomfortable feelings and to manage discomfort, which will increase your probability of reaching the best stage of your life. Say to yourself, "I can get through this conversation and come out the other side. I will be a stronger person for it."
6. Communicate Empathically
This skill often takes some practice, but it is well worth the effort. Mostly it involves "just listening" with your heart to what the other person is saying. With active listening, you can then feed back to the other person (spouse, boss, friend, etc.) what you hear is being said. To do this, listen for the inner feelings of the other person, and focus on what you hear that they want. This method will help you to calm down and focus, and it will invite your partner to bring up topics she or he may prefer to avoid.
Rachel, who sets many rules, might say to Ted, "I understand that you are feeling bothered by the number of rules I set and that you want me to be more balanced with the kids." This type of response lets Ted know that Rachel heard him. It also lowers his annoyance and enables Rachel to focus on him and not her own feelings about being criticized.
While this may seem simple, it is quite a complex process; it involves putting your own feelings aside while showing your partner that you heard his or her response. Managing your own internal strife, listening deeply to what your partner is saying, striving to put yourself in his or her shoes, and asking good questions to promote empathy and understanding will help you develop an extraordinary relationship. And always remember the positive traits that first attracted you to your partner.
If you have lost touch with the positive about your partner, you can learn to find your way forward to a life-enhancing relationship. Remember there is hope, there is help and it can be just a phone call away.
Patrice Wolters, Ph.D., has been studying ways to improve relationship therapy, child and adolescent therapy, and the treatment and diagnosis of bipolar II disorder for over 22 years as a licensed psychologist. She has helped many couples revitalize their marriages, improve family functioning and create healthy environments for children and teens. She is particularly interested in the early diagnosis and treatment of challenges in young people so they can go on to have amazing relationships, resiliency and a joyous life. Her trademark "Go from a Maze to Amazing" represents her model of therapy, which is based in the emerging area of positive psychology. For more information on positive change, visit http://www.patricewolters.com/.
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