Fixing Smokey: Who Can Be More Stubborn About Change - Our Cat or Us?

My wife, Mary Ann, is one of the most nurturing individuals you will ever have the pleasure to meet. She is also a passionate advocate for animals. More specifically, one might refer to her as "one of those cat ladies." I personally would not do that as the result would be that I would spend my evenings in solitary. (Of course, she would spend the night-time with our cats, proving my point. Yet, I think the irony would be wasted on her.)

We had three cats. Sadly, "K.C.," the elderly matriarch passed away early this year, leaving the two identical ginger cats, "Tiger" and "Motor." (Let's be clear; I did not choose their names, okay?) These "orange boys" are "inside cats," because our vet said that the best way to ensure your kitties lead a long, healthy, purr-fect life is to not them prowl the streets. As nimble and agile as felines might be, they don't understand the concept of automobiles.

Within our fenced backyard dwells a third, Birman, cat. She (we think she's a "she" but we're not sure) unexpectedly appeared six years ago, and although she has departed for short periods, she always returns. Exhibiting no fear of us, she's incredibly affectionate, so we think she was abandoned. Due to her silky, strikingly beautiful, long, silver, and black fur, we call her "Smokey." (I wanted "Velvet" but was over-ruled.)

Since K.C. passed, my wife has wanted to integrate Smokey with the orange boys, especially as the weather turns harsh. Last weekend, she was finally able to convince Smokey to come inside. To help her feel safe (as well as let the other animals acclimate) Smokey stayed in an unused upstairs bedroom, replete with bed, food, water, litter box, and a screened - but slightly open - window, allowing her the ability to survey the neighborhood from on high. After Smokey was given the good-health go-ahead by the vet, we would begin the process of assimilation.

Until the appointment, my wife checked on her regularly, refreshed her needs, and - in general - kept her company. All was proceeding according to plan until yesterday morning. Upon entering Smokey's room, she discovered a Smokey-sized hole torn in our screen. During the previous night, Smokey pulled a Steve McQueen and escaped back to the "wild," only to return to our backyard later in the day as smug as if nothing had happened. She was as affectionate as ever, and despite rejecting the four-star hospitality we had so graciously provided, was only interested in her standard nightly canned food repast.

"Why would Smokey prefer to live in the rain and cold instead of in a warm house?" my wife wondered.

"It doesn't make sense to me," I granted. "However, if you look at it from her point of view, outside is all she knows. Frosty nights and wet grounds might not be pleasant, and she'd probably even enjoy being inside once she got used to it, but sometimes you stay with the discomfort you know rather than take the time to learn about something better."

I'm not a cat; that's probably evident. But, at least in that respect, humans are not that far removed. How often do we pass up the option for "better," obstinately remaining with "same?" Even after accepting things can be better, we still have to shake up long-held behaviors, and usually, we decide it's not worth the effort. So, on we plod...

With enough tuna to keep her belly full, and a warm fireplace by which she can lay, Smokey might have made the switch. We, on the other hand, can be a lot more stubborn.

Scott "Q" Marcus refers to himself as "recovering perfectionist" because after losing 70 pounds in 1994, he realized it's better to do something well than nothing perfectly. He now conducts playful, lively speeches, workshops, and presentations throughout the country on how to achieve goals, improve attitude, and enhance communication. His presentations are described as a "cross between business 101, group therapy, and a southern revival." You can contact him for speaking, coaching or consulting, or you can sign up for his free ezine, "This Time I Mean It" at http://www.scottqmarcus.com/

View Article_Source

Communication Tips For Fixing Your Relationship

In relationships the individuals affect each other. If the balance is such that both people are happy with it then there is no problem. If it is not it leads to frustration and unhappiness for at least one of them. This was the situation Molly found herself in.

Molly was frustrated because she felt that she had three children even though only two were actual children. Her husband, a good provider, wanted to do his own things after he came home from work. She she was left with making dinner, cleaning up, getting the children ready for bed and taking care of everything else that had to be handled.

Over the years they had fallen into a pattern where she felt burdened and he did what he wanted to after work. No wonder it felt to her like she has an extra child. When I asked Molly how come she permitted this she was put out with me. She did not see herself as an accomplice in the continuation of this pattern.

As we looked at their interaction Molly began to see how easily she backed down when she had made very realistic requests. For instance, she wanted him to watch the children while she ran to the store. He responded with "do you really have to do it now?" She felt guilty, did not say anything else, and stayed home.

Molly began to look at her process and saw that indeed she backed down quickly. He would raise some objection or just make a somewhat negative comment and she did no do what she wanted to do. She started to accept the fact that how she reacted was actually in her control. She was responding to the initial feeling she had when he commented back. She lost sight of following up on what she intellectually knew was a fair request. Once she understood what she was doing she could begin to change what she did. She had to stop herself not to act on the first feeling response. She needed to refocus on her own voice and give herself time to think as to what she really wanted to do.

All relationships fall into predictable patterns. What we all want to achieve is to establish a pattern that allows each the freedom to be who he/she is while at the same time relating with each other as two adults. Molly and her husband in some areas had fallen into a parent child relationship pattern. As Molly trusted herself more she gave up the parental role with him. Instead she expected adult cooperation and they were well on the road to fixing their relationship so that it would be a win-win for both.

Kristina von Rosenvinge's expertise is helping people develop healthy relationships. She is convinced that by knowing effective self-growth and relationship skills that people can find solutions to many of their relationship concerns.. She enjoys teaching these skills on line by holding teleclasses. She invites you to visit http://www.kristinavonrosenvinge.com/ to learn more about what she is doing.

Kristina is passionate about helping people in their second half of life make this the best time of their life so that they can enjoy personal happiness and business success.

View Article_Source