Always in the Wrong?

When we talk about being in the wrong we have to carefully consider each situation in which this feeling arises before we can conclude whether one, both, all or no parties actually hold that precious aim of rightness in their hands.

It's genuinely rare in any human relationship that any one party is completely right or wrong because there are always emotions involved and everyone has a right to their own feelings on a subject. Much as someone else's reaction may not suit you it is their reaction to the current situation and they have a right to it.

Also, emotional reactions tend to be just that, and the majority of us will have had a few times in their life when they wish they'd had the wisdom to stop and think rather than react immediately and with anger. However, it happens and you just have to get past the memory.

It's very sad if it ruins a relationship for you, but by the same token anyone who truly loves you will see past the inappropriate anger and be willing to talk about it. So if someone is insistent on taking offence and closing down the lines of communication then you know that you don't have a real and close relationship with that person.

It's awful when this happens and if you're a decent human being it is very hard to hang on to the idea that you are a nice person when another person or other people are hurling venom and vitriol in your direction, and most especially when they are telling other people how awful you are.

In such situations it is wisest to shut up and not engage further otherwise the mess gets bigger and more horrible, but that's very hard to do when your very soul is crying out for fairness, justice and to be heard.

I've often pondered whether it is wise to be quite or whether we all have the birthright to defend ourselves, and I have to say that I've reached no clear answer. The nearest I can come is to take each situation individually and handle them accordingly. However, here are a few questions you can ask in difficult situations to help you to decide what to do:

1. How close am I to this person? In other words, would never seeing them again affect me?

2. Does this person continually fall out with people, are they always in the middle of an emotional mess?

3. Is this a reasonable person? Can I give it time for both of us to calm down and then talk to them easily?

4. If I don't sort this mess out will other people suffer? If so, how can I avoid that?

5. Is this a work colleague? If so, until I can change departments or leave I need to find a way to be civil.

6. Are the actions of this person/these people affecting my reputation, especially my business?

7. Is this person continually involved in this kind of situation with people other than you?

8. Most importantly, has this person got a very real reason to be easily upset at this time?

There are more questions but you get the idea. I can't answer them for you but you can see how depending on the relationship, who else is involved, and the situation, there are a number of ways you can handle them and none of those ways involve you deciding who was wrong or right. Especially question 8.

That's deliberate.

One of the things I find very difficult to deal with is the idea that one grown adult should tell another grown adult off, or that it is the role of one adult to 'bring another adult up' as if they were nothing more than an overgrown child. It's rude, it's emotionally debilitating, and it is neither your right nor your role.

If a person is truly rude then they will continue to have problems in other relationships and it is their role in their own life to understand that. The best thing you can do is walk away if you can, or do your best to have no feelings towards that person at all.

This is a VERY hard thing to do, but if for example this is your sister or brother-in-law then do it you must. The sooner you can get to the point that they can be rude to you and you can smile gently and ask if anyone wants a coffee, or they can pick a fight and you respond with humour the better. All I would say is that if you have someone in your family, at work, or in a social situation you can't escape who is given to gossiping and telling tales then make sure that as much as possible you are never alone in the same room as them and never speak to them on the phone without witnesses. It sounds extreme, but if people are that difficult then you must be sensible and protect yourself.

Finally, let's look at failing your own standards.

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you don't react well in a situation. You know it, you try really hard to make things right, but no matter what you do it just goes from bad to worse. You may even get frustrated and say something that you would not normally say and afterwards want to bite off your tongue!

Firstly, if you can apologise. If that apology is accepted then forgive yourself too. If it is not, as long as your apology was sincere then you know that either your relationship with this person has gone as far as it can, or you and this person were never truly close. However, if you feel the need, give it a little more time and try to apologise again. If your sincere apology is not accepted the second time then walk away if you can, or create an emotional remoteness from the person and smile and nod politely when you see them.

The thing you have to remember more than anything else, is that you are HUMAN. Moreover, every single person on this planet without exception is HUMAN. It's not good to behave badly, but it is HUMAN.

Alongside your fallible humanity you must always take into consideration what you were going through at the time. If someone dear to you has just died or a romantic relationship has broken up then there will be nothing logical and 'normal' about your feelings and reactions. If the people around you can't handle that then they're not the right people.

Please, just learn to a) trust yourself, you know you're a nice person and do your best, and b) learn to forgive yourself.

I hope that this article has given you some useful ideas as to how to manage difficult situations.

Wishing you happy days, peaceful nights, and positive relationships.

Deb

Deb Hawken - Medium, Inspirational Speaker, Writer
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"One must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star" (Nietzsche)

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Evolution Adapted to Survive Both Warming and Ice Ages - Don't Worry, Life Always Finds a Way

There was a famous quote in Jurassic Park the Hollywood movie; "life will always find a way," and it was well stated by the scientist in the movie. He's absolutely right and the evolution of species is well known. Earth species have adapted to survive in both warming periods and ice ages. And we humans should not be so arrogant to think that only we can save certain species because of climate change.

There was an interesting article on Terra Daily on June 13, 2011 which asks a provocative question in its title; "Can Evolution Outpace Climate Change?" by the Staff Writers at US Davis. Although this title was another play at global warming alarmism which incidentally irks me to no end, I read that title a different way, and need no more research or data to answer the question it asks.

Now then, let's talk about the polar bear, and I'm not sure how the polar bear became a cute little cuddly bear that we needed to save from extinction, but somehow Hollywood, Al Gore, and the entire group of global warming alarmists have convinced us that the polar bears are going to die out if we don't do something. The reality is a warming period is better for the polar bears because there is an abundance of life in the northern areas during a warming era.

With an abundance of life, there is more food to eat, and the polar bears get big, strong, plump, and the female polar bears no longer will need to kill one of their offspring to eat because they don't have enough food. Therefore the concept of the polar bears becoming extinct is rather silly. In fact we should be noting that their population numbers are increasing, and as each generation moves on and more offspring are born, it will be exponential growth.

Further, we must understand that the polar bear is a species that is probably over a million years old, and it has been through ice ages, as well as warming periods, so many in fact, that it's DNA is probably sequenced to a point that can handle warming periods or cooling periods. It can live in the heat, or subfreezing temperatures indefinitely. There have been reports already that the black bear and polar bears are nearly identical in DNA, thus, they are the same species.

One thing I find is that there are far too many people speculating that many species will die as the planet heats up. In fact there will be an abundance of life if there are warmer temperatures at either of our polls. There will be more birds, more fish, more sea mammals, and yes more polar bears. There will be more plankton, vegetation, and lots of minerals in the water for all kinds of life in general.

So when someone asks; can evolution outpace climate change? The answer is of course, and it already has, we don't need to do anything but sit back and watch, and I'm sure that will prove my point. Indeed I hope you will please consider all this and think on it.

Lance Winslow is a retired Founder of a Nationwide Franchise Chain, and now runs the Online Think Tank. Lance Winslow believes writing 23,777 articles by 7 PM on June 27, 2011 is going to be difficult because all the letters on his keyboard are now worn off now..

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How To Be Happy Always

As Robertson Davies says, "happiness is always a by-product. It is probably a matter of temperament, and for anything I know it may be glandular. But it is not something that can be demanded from life, and if you are not happy you had better stop worrying about it and see what treasures you can pluck from your own brand of unhappiness." But, we all have a misconception that we can not be happy all the time.

But, we can definitely remain fulfilled. Many studies have been conducted about happiness. Almost all of them have revealed that happiness does not come from material possessions, nor does it come from great achievements. It depends on your outlook towards life and your relationships with others. But, you can practice a few steps and these steps may help you to remain fulfilled in life.

- You should always have an optimistic frame of mind. For this, it is not necessary that you should aim to amass wealth because wealth can not guarantee you happiness. You may temporarily be happy if you get the money you wanted, the job you aimed at and so on. This happiness is temporary because we all have a baseline level for happiness. For some people, this baseline level is a little higher. But, this level is determined by your thoughts. This clearly shows that if you change your thoughts or your attitude, you can get the happiness you are looking for.

- Perfectionism is another enemy for happiness. A few people make it a point to study everything carefully before making a decision. They want everything to be perfect before they start taking action. This will certainly delay things and what remain ultimately will be procrastination and unhappiness. So, instead of chasing perfection, you should follow your gut feelings. You can perfect the things as you move along the chosen path. Mistakes may happen in your decisions but you need not have any regrets. Your entire life should be a learning process.

- By suggesting that you may not feel happy even if you have wealth, it is not meant that you should not earn enough money for your livelihood. You should try to earn sufficient money for your living as well as for your philanthropic activities.Your growth as a good human being is more important than amassing wealth.

- You should maintain a cordial relationship with everyone including your friends and relatives. You should not take this for granted. You should work towards maintaining a good relationship with every one. Such relationships will positively impact your happiness.

- Your activities should give you happiness. But, unfortunately, you may not like the job you are currently doing. You may have landed in the present job due to extraneous factors. You can adopt the "act as if" principle for liking the job. As Dale Carnegie puts it, "If you do your work as if you really enjoy it, then you will really enjoy it".

- Smiling all the time will increase your happiness. Whether you are really happy or not, you can change your mood by smiling.

- You should also remind yourself as often as possible that every one including you will commit mistakes. No one is perfect in this world. So, forgiving others for their follies will lower your stress and help you to feel happy.

- Instead of indulging in an orgy of self-pity about what you do not have, you should get passionate about an activity that interests you and lose yourself in action. Then you will have no time for sorrow and worry.

The above tips will help you to overcome your worries and feel happy. There are several inspirational books that may give you more ideas to take you on the path of cheerfulness.

Raman Kuppuswamy writes interesting and informative articles on various topics. You may kindly visit http://dreamdamodar.hubpages.com/ and read his other articles on various other topics.

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How to Become Successful and Live The Life That You Always Wanted

Are you currently living the life that you always wanted. Or, do you want more out of life than the regular "going to bed-going to work-going home-going to bed" routine every single day? Well, this article is intended for those who want some excitement in their lives and at the same time, want to ditch the boring do-the-same old thing day after day after day.

1. Write Down Your Goals

All of us have goals that we want to reach. Whether it's going to school; losing weight; learning to play an instrument; learning how to cook; learning a new language; starting a business; writing a book; travel around the world; etc. What you need to do is brainstorm about what you want to do and write them down on a paper ( you write them down in your phone as well.) Once you have written them down, put it something where you can see it, such as your desk, dresser, near a mirror, on a wall, etc. This is important because it gives you reminder every single day on what you really want to do in your life.

2. Write Down Your Plans

It is very important to have goals that you want to accomplish and dreams for a better life. Once you have written those goals and dreams down, you must come up with a timetable in order to figure out what type of action you need to take to reach them. Determine and write down the short-term and long-term action you need to take for each dream and goal and figure out how to execute the plan. You see, a plan without execution equals a waste of time and energy on your account. By having a plan with the right execution, it creates a point of no return where it's too late to turn back now and you must forge ahead with your plans.

3. Motivation

Ah, yes! This is the point where we see the private lives of an athlete or a celebrity on television or in magazine (with the cars, house, the fame, etc.); or you see that someone created a business and after a while it become successful. Then, you compare your current life to the celebrity in question and you say to yourself "I want to have a lifestyle just like that." IT CAN HAPPEN- Nothing is impossible! But, it is up to you to make some changes in your life to create that magic. The idea of having a better life than the one that you're current living right now should be one of the best motivation tactics out there. If that isn't enough, think about the people who either laughed at you or thought you were crazy when you told them about your plans. Who are these people? These folks (a.k.a.- the non-believers, the naysayers, the haters) think that you are wasting your time with your dreams and goals (they refer them as a pipe dream) and might actually tell you to give up.

A bit of advice: DON'T EVER GIVE UP! All you have to do is work hard every single day to accomplish your dreams and goals--and make sure that the plans you created going through without stopping. Then, you have been successful in reaching the desired goal, you can tell those non-believers, naysayers and haters where they can go!

4. Don't Procrastinate

All of us are guilty of this. If we have to do something, we'll say "Oh, I'll get it tomorrow." Well, tomorrow comes and nothing happens. Then we'll push it off until the next day, then the next week, then the next month. Once the year ends, you look back and say to yourself "I should have done this...." Procrastination is the #1 killer of being successful. Don't put anything off that you can do today. Get started right now and never let the phrase "I'll get to it tomorrow" creep into your mind. Do it now!

5. Persistence

The road in becoming successful is not a smooth one. You will experience some ups and downs. There will some days where everything is clicking and other times where nothing goes right.
The the message here is this: Never Give Up! Here are two examples of what persistence can help and actually motivate you in reaching your goals:

NBA legend Michael Jordan was cut from his high school team in 10th grade. Did he let that set back stop him? No! Actually, he used that failure as motivation during his playing days in the National Basketball Association to win 6 championships and 6 MVP Awards. In a classic Nike commercial, he openly admits to the many times he tried and failed in winning basketball games when he was a player. Go to YouTube and watch his Nike commercials about accepting failure and use that fuel the fire of success.

Another example is Thomas Edison, one of the greatest inventors in history. Edison tried and failed 10,000 times in reshaping the light bulb. Did he think about giving up after trying time and time again? No! Edison, in a famous quote about failure said: I have not failed. I have found 9,999 ways that do not work." Edison believed that failure was a mere steeping stone to the road to success.

6. Associate with successful people

It's like the old saying "Birds Of A Feather Flock Together" along with the old adage " You will act just like the people you'll associate with." If you hang around with successful people, after a while, there's a good chance that their success could rub off on you. Likewise, if you hang around those who are involved in crime and other shady things--then they are going to lead you to a path of destruction.

If you want to become successful, find out and connect with those individuals who have made it and pick their brain on what does it take to reach that level of success. Go to different business functions and self-help seminars and network with as many people as you can. The goal here is to network and develop contacts.

7. Passion

If you don't have any passion in something that you want to do, you better find it quickly! You see, passion is required in having the life that you always wanted. You must have that fire and desire to put all that energy into something reaching your goals. You must enjoy what you are doing because you would rather spending the majority of your time doing something that you love.

So, what if you can't find your passion? Well there are some ways that you can find it:

A. Brainstorm- Find a quiet place and think about what you always wanted to do. It doesn't matter what it is. Remember, this is your life and you make all the decisions, not anyone else.

B. Don't quit your job- If you do have a job, don't quit not just yet. If your goals is to start a business, wait until the venture has started making steady income. You don't want to be that person who quit their day job to start a business and the venture becomes a financial bust and you end up being broke without employment.

C. Research- Go to the library, online or a bookstore and do some research. Send an email to the corporation or a specific individual and find out how they were able to get started. Use their information as the blueprint to your success. Buy some self discovery or self-help books or read some magazine articles about people who were able persevere through their obstacles in life and become successful. Use their inspirational stories and go on from there.

D. Don't Quit- You will never know when a great opportunity comes around if you decide to pack it and give up. We always hear the "I should have done this" saying in our heads every time we look back in our lives. Keep pursing your dreams and goals until you will become successful.

8. Optimistic

In order to reach a successful life, you are going to find out that everything will not go your way all of the time. For every perfect attempt at something, there will be hundreds,maybe thousands of times where it doesn't go well and you say to yourself" I give up," "I quit," "I will never get this done right," or "I suck."

Hey, you must always look at the bright side when you are making an attempt to reach your desired goal(s). Nothing will go as plan. You must have a positive attitude in everything you do. Also, it is very important to have the confidence and believe that you will reach your goal(s) one day. Every day, you must say to yourself " I am going to give it my all in everything I do. I believe in myself and I will reach my goals no matter how long it will take."

Final Word

Whatever your dreams and goals, go out there and fulfill them as much as you can. If you fail in your first attempt, don't get too discouraged. Just find out what you have done wrong, correct those errors and make sure that it doesn't happen again. All of us daydream about having the ideal lifestyle-why not make turn those dreams into reality and get started right now!

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