Millions Of People Are Stuck Today

Millions of people are stuck today and I'm not talking about - in traffic.
Whether it's a toxic or invalidating relationship, a career that has lost its allure, a business that no longer satisfies or a way of life that just isn't fun any more. Why do people stay stuck? Why do they settle? Why are they afraid to move on or change something before it's too late?

There are numerous reasons why someone refuses to move on from circumstances that are less than rewarding even destructive emotionally, physically or psychologically. But there are a few common reasons that people use to justify staying where they are and not experiencing the excitement, joy and adventure that could lie ahead for them. Here are a few of them.

Money and security.

There is no security outside of yourself. Just because your spouse is financially independent today doesn't mean they will be tomorrow.

Just because your business is prosperous today doesn't mean it will be next year. This is one of the main reasons people stay in bad or at best unrewarding relationships or careers. How will I pay my bills next month? How will I - yada yada yada - next year.

I know a lot of people who are miserable in their relationships, but won't leave for fear that they will starve, be homeless or on welfare. Yes, this could be the outcome, but I ask you, are you willing to give up - life as it could be, no should be - for each of us just because you have this financial safety net given to you by someone else? Trust me - it can be gone in a heartbeat. I once asked a lady friend who was going through a divorce, just a friend folks, in what circumstances would you go back to your former spouse? Now keep in mind their marriage was a sham and filled with mis-trust, emotional abuse and no love or respect whatsoever. Her answer - well if I can't survive financially I would go back to him.

I'm not judging here but I ask you - why go back to a hell on Earth just so you can have some financial peace of mind (and by the way this peace of mind if grounded in money could be lost in the wink of an eye.)?

The fear of uncertainty

The only thing that is certain in life is its uncertainty. Nothing, I repeat, nothing today or tomorrow is certain. Life happens, changes - yes sometimes it gets worse and sometimes it gets better - but continue to change it does without a concern for our attitudes, fears, needs, dreams or goals about what is changing or why and when.

Leaving a career or a business behind can be an exciting new beginning. As I have said many times - endings are just new beginnings in disguise. Staying in a less than satisfying relationship because you fear you might die alone - well there is no guarantee you won't die alone even if you stay with Attila the Hun - forever!

Change in general

People say they are afraid of change. What people are really afraid of is losing control of some aspect of their life. If you are happy in a job, you don't have your resume on the street. If you are happy in your relationship, you are not cruising the internet dating sites. However, if you feel like an area of your life is out of control or getting more out of control or could be out of control in the future, you will do something, maybe even something stupid, to regain or not lose the control you so desperately need and think you have.

We all make lots of life decisions some have short-term impact while others take years to fulfill but in the end no-one can totally control the outcome of any decision. We can evaluate, consider, plan, dream, hope and even work hard towards achieving our decisions, but none of these will absolutely ensure that the outcome of the decisions we make will look like what we wanted them to when we made them. Life is to be lived not just planned.

It probably isn't any better over there

Why change something - it's probably worse over there. Well, maybe yes and maybe no, but you will never find out if you don't make the trip. I'm not suggesting that at the first sign of adversity that you should bail. I'm not even suggesting that you should bail just to see what's over there. What I'm saying is, if the reason you are staying stuck is because of fear of what's over there well - you'll never know will you?

This is what I deserve

We deserve what we think we deserve. We deserve what we let other people tell us we deserve and we deserve no more or no less than what we think we are worth. Our worth is not our knowledge but our wisdom. Our worth is not our experience but our life outlook. Our worth is not our education but our goals. You are getting what you believe you deserve. Want something better or different? Then change what you think you deserve. It's that simple. Does this mean you will get everything you think you deserve? Of course not, but I'll guarantee you'll get more if you think you deserve more.

What will other people think

You can't imagine how many times I have heard from intelligent people, "I can't leave this relationship - what will my neighbors think?" "I can't leave this career, what will my in-laws think?" I can leave this business what will all of my friends think?" "I can't move somewhere new, where I will be happy, what will my kids think?"

You would be amazed at how many people are more concerned about what others think of them than what they think of themselves. Sad, very sad.

Quite frankly I don't give a rip what you think. Yes, I will listen, be respectful but in the end this is my life not yours, my parents, my kids, my neighbors or Uncle Willy's.

I'm too old to start over

This is one of my favorites. I could give you hundreds of example of people who really didn't get their career, business or life in gear till they well into their 60's. Yes this tends to be the exception but the message is clear - you are never too old to start something new. You are too old however if you think you are.

I know people who started the most loving relationships in their 70's. I know people who fulfilled their life long dreams in their 80's and what about one of my favorites - George Burns (for those of you old enough to remember him).

Physical age is a number. Emotional age is an attitude and mental age is a mindset. My mantra changed when I hit 60 'I'm just getting warmed up'. This sign sits on my desk so I will never look at anything in terms of my chronological age but always by my mental and emotional age.

Age is only an issue if you let it be an issue. Yes, when you get old, you look older, have less stamina and possibly less energy and a few more aches and pains and wrinkles, but look at it this way - you have a lot of years of experience that you take into what's next.

Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 4000 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management, leadership and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 70 books including; Soft Sell, That?s Life, SOLD, 81 Challenges Managers Face and Your First Year In Sales. He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his websites at http://www.timconnor.com/.

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